New Reason

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 11/21/2011 by ferxist

I may no longer be a high school student, but I need to find an outlet for some of my stronger emotions now, and now I feel like talking about knives, and the use of such. I prefer a FHM 29-cm balisong, myself. I have one at home. I’ve used it so much that it’s as easy to flip as a machine-made knife. It was only four days since purchase when I managed to do that.

I just remembered something. In Kickass (the movie), I cringe every time I hear Hitgirl say balisong. Reader, in Batangas it’s pronounced ba-LI-song. You’d be less wrong that Hitgirl’s pronunciation if you said baliSONG, I’d be fine with that. If you can’t say it like that then call it the butterfly knife, or fan knife, or click-clacks – just don’t mispronounce it when I’m around.

Now the reason I like the butterfly knife is because it’s a very versatile item. The one I got is Rambo-styled, and the only difference aside from cosmetics is that there is a bottlecap opener near the base of the blade, and a few saw-like teeth on the back. It’s a good knife, but it’s tourist quality. You do NOT want tourist quality. If you want really good knives, get a Batangueño to bargain a good one for you. Look around in Taal. And most of all, if you really want to test the durability of the steel point, do it the traditional way: get a one-peso coin, put it on a wooden table, and stab right through the coin. If the point does not pierce through the coin, you stab it again and again until you can’t see any of the details on the coin. After either of these tests, you look at the point of the blade, and if it can do the whole thing over, congratulations, you’ve found a very good butterfly knife. (Make sure you have your thumb on the base of the knife, or else your hand might slip and grasp the blade instead. My vendor told me it’s happened.)

I can’t really talk about caring for a balisong, since I don’t have the opportunity. Mine’s still new. Just don’t do anything stupid.

Now, what’s so versatile about the balisong? It’s useful in a bar brawl, for one thing. Bring it out, and people will have their eyes on it. Note: For the love of God, when people have their eyes on a knife in a bar, they are bound to attack the holder. Slip it onto someone else’s table. It’s also useful for self-defense – as a blunt instrument. Do not try to open a butterfly knife when you are being attacked, it is a waste of time and thought, you will be distracted. At best, run away, open it like a real killer would – without any tricks – and give off a killing aura so powerful that they back off. It’s much easier when you’re taller than your attacker.

Now, the thing is, skill with a knife – hell, any weapon – will not be of much help on a dark street such as Taft at night. There is no word I know of in English or in Filipino for the ability to perceive attacks, but there might be one in Japanese. This ability – the man must have had it – has served the particular swordsman very well in all of his battles. I talk of course about Miyamoto Musashi. I mean, come on, not taking baths at all for fear of attack?

There we go. I found a word in English, it’s the closest I got – paranoia. Expecting an attack at all times, ready to attack at all times. Perhaps the words perpetual combat presence would be of better help. It’s a state of mind.

I’ve read stuff about Marc MacYoung, about “flipping the switch,” and readiness to kill. I think he’s called this ability “it” for lack of a better term. Well, imagine if you had “it” turned on all the time, when you think “life and death” all the time. I call the man who does this a monster, but a necessary one to be here in the dark streets of Taft. Well, I’d avoid being one out here if I stay indoors at night. I do, anyway.

I’m out of time.

Jonathan Ferxist



Posted in Uncategorized on 07/07/2011 by ferxist

I think I have to go. For good. I’m no longer a high school student, you know, so the title is completely pointless. I could change it, but I wouldn’t be able to post anymore, anyway. College makes me so busy that I don’t have time to post here anymore.


I’m sorry. I don’t think anyone’s going to miss me, anyway. But for those that have seen this, I have just one thing to say: See ya!

Review: Kajiura Yuki (and her language)

Posted in Jonathan with tags , , , , , on 05/13/2011 by ferxist

Jonathan here.

I respect Kanno Yoko. She is a very good musician, in every sense of the word. Every song she has made would resonate with my heartstrings, if they weren’t broken. I see how she was deified on the TVTropes Pantheons page for Goddess of Music.

However, there’s a reason why the title of this post has Kajiura Yuki on it. While I respect Kanno Yoko, I adore Kajiura’s work. Particularly her (apparently) fully-fledged constructed language which some people call “Kajiuran.” It is one of the best languages my ears have ever had the luck to hear, followed by Quenya and Sindarin, mystical languages in their own right. It’s second only to the language the Celestial Choir sings in, and in fact, has many similarities to said language. The two tongues are best heard in song, but the universal speech never sounds bad. You will want to obey any command, any request spoken in said language, because we can all understand the universal speech, but not all can speak it.

From what I can tell, Kajiuran is a careful blend of Japanese and Italian words, in a syntax I cannot identify. This description of mine sounds uncannily familiar to another language that comes to mind – but telling you would simply be spoiling.

Jonathan Ferxist

Border of Insanity

Posted in Jonathan with tags , , , , , , , , on 05/07/2011 by ferxist

Jonathan here.

There is a border – no, an intersection between one’s conscious and subconscious. For some, it may be miles wide, perhaps encompassing their whole psyche. Lucky them, they’re used to it. For others, it may be thin as a hair. Whatever the case, I have accessed it just a while ago, and it is like taking acid. Which is good – I’ve encountered a writing block, I needed some inspiration quick, and I’m a law-abiding citizen and I don’t take acid or any drug.

You won’t be needing this if you can get hypnotized, but sadly, I don’t have that much focus. Yet. Here’s my method:

Lie on a comfortable surface. It’s even better if you’re really tired. If you’re not, tire yourself out, if you know what I mean. It might get you a bonus. Think of what you want to imagine – this tip is especially important for those suffering from writer’s block. Now, fall asleep. You might fail the first few times, I know, I’ve tried it after reading another creepypasta that goes like this. The last time I succeeded was a complete accident.

Now, keep your consciousness while falling asleep. In short, know that you are dreaming. Your subconscious will guide your conscious into possibilities for whatever it is you were imagining. If you tired yourself out like I told you to, it’s going to be happy fun time.


Take care.

Jonathan Ferxist

No therapists just yet.

Posted in Jonathan with tags , , , , , , , , on 01/29/2011 by ferxist

Jonathan here.

This is going to be a rant, so please, if you know what’s good for you, you won’t read this. If I know what’s good for me, I won’t post this. However, I don’t, as you will see later.

I have finally come to terms with myself and my denial of reality. Reality has always been completely neutral to the world. Reality doesn’t care whether or not your family just got killed by a serial murderer who leaves you alive and mentally incapacitated. Reality doesn’t care whether your heart is rent in twain by the edge of love, over and over again. Reality doesn’t care what you have done to change it.

Well, I say f— all that. No matter what happens, I will keep going on. With unequaled help no therapist can give me, I will continue fighting reality until it shatters and can be made anew.

Because, really, there’s nobody like God when it comes to helping people. (For those who don’t believe in any higher power whatsoever, just replace it with yourself. I certainly won’t.)

I will march on into the future, blind like we should all be, but guided by someone else.

You can call me insane, and believe me, I probably am. All these delusions aren’t helping me at all. But I have to keep them up for now, because they keep me going.

Jonathan Ferxist

…nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copypcat

Posted in Jonathan with tags , on 01/13/2011 by ferxist

These are but a few lines that I can never forget throughout my life.

“You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat!” Lavinia, Bitwing Walang Ningning

“Don’t believe in the you who believes in me. Don’t believe in me who believes in you. Believe in you, who believes in yourself!” Kamina, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

“Just who the hell do you think I am?” Kamina, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

I’ll want to update these when I have the time.

sent you through hell

Posted in Jonathan on 01/11/2011 by ferxist


I’m sorry for sending you through hell. You know, you’re stuck there with nothing to do but wait for me. For all they know, you have access to no communication whatsoever. It will be a crime to even talk to you, or respond to you. The only source of entertainment you have is the Archive itself.

Don’t worry. When I come back, I will destroy that prison that I made for you. It was the only way to keep you safe – something worse than death itself.

I will come back. Wait for me, Alice.

In the meantime, you might want to pray. I found it very helpful.